Day thirty: remembered for

30. List 10 things you would hope to be remembered for.

1. My big heart and love for others.
2. My happy, loving children.
3. For being forgiving of others.
4. For laughing a lot.
5. For helping others.
6. For being a great listener.
7. For giving more than receiving.
8. For always showing up.
9. For being a good person.
And the most important one:
10. Remembered as a great friend, wife, mother, and family member.

I guess I want to be remembered for who I am, not really for any certain thing I have accomplished.

Day twenty-nine: my hope for my kids

29. What are your hopes and dreams for your prosperity?

I hope that my children will be happy. I hope that God will bless them with many more good day than bad and with spouses that love them and support them. I hope my kids will always know I love them and never doubt the depth of that love.

I hope that my children will do good in the world and know God. I hope they will have a strong faith in Jesus and know that they are worthy of greatness. I hope they reach for there dreams and are not too scared to change dreams if that dream wasn't what they thought. I hope that they will grow into strong, independent, loving, caring people who love to visit their mom and dad. That they love family and make good families of their own. Most of all, I hope for a brighter, bigger future full of laughs and happiness. With lots of love and family.

Day twenty-eight: my spouse

28. What’s your favorite quality in your spouse?

There are a lot of things that I love about Carl. He is smart and funny, sweet, loving, giving, a great dad, talented, and so much more. I guess if I had to pick my favorite thing about him it would be how supportive he is. Carl supports me in whatever I do. From how I parent to how I am feeling. He supports me and listens to me and tries to help if I need it. He really is such a great man. He is my other half and I am thankful every day that we chose each other.

Day twenty-seven: my body

27. What is your favorite part of your body and why?

My favorite body part is my eyes. I really have nice eyes. They are happy eyes that glow. They have a nice shape and are a pretty shade of blue and when I smile they squinch up and are cute. My smile is nice too, but I love my eyes.

Day twenty-six- the world is wrong

26. What popular notion do you think the world has most wrong?

I'm not really sure about this. I guess I don't really pay attention to what notions the world has. I think each county, state, religion, town, and family have their own notions and it is difficult for me to say that they are wrong.

I tend to think that other people can believe whatever they'd like and so can I. Maybe I'm just too easy going for any kind of judgement, lol. There are things I wish people didn't believe. For example, the belief that everyone has to be stick thin to be beautiful or that me still nursing my 21 month old is wrong. I guess I just don't like judgement so I try to not do it to others. Maybe that is the notion I think is wrong.... that people have the right to judge others. Ok, I think that might be the only notion I can think of that is wrong. Judgement. People shouldn't judge others.

Day twenty-five- history dinner

25. If you could have dinner with anyone in history, who would it be and what would you eat?

There is really only one person I would have loved to meet and that is Jesus. He was a world shaker. He changed everything about religion and I know that he sure changed me. I would love to meet him and I know someday I will. As for what we'd eat, I totally wouldn't care. I think whatever was served would 100% pale in comparison to my dinner companion.

Day twenty-four- favorite parent moment

24. What’s your favorite and least favorite thing about parenthood?

My favorite thing about parenting is the sweet little things Miles does. He always has moments of total sweetness where he will kiss me just because or will dance in the middle of the living room because he likes the commercial song. There are just little moments that are perfect and wonderful that make parenting worth it.

My least favorite thing is night time. After we fall asleep and before we get up. This is the time where Miles is either the best sleeper and has a great night (which is most of the time) or it is horrible. There are nights where he wakes up and his nose is so stuffy he can't sleep or he is sick and throws up. The moments where I am so tired I can't find the strength to deal with it. Where I am so tired I can't be super nice and cuddly. I just want sleep.

Now my very favorite moment of being a parent was the first few weeks Miles was born. It was magic. Carl and I just used the time to wonder in our baby. My mom was here to help cook and clean and my sister was here to help if I needed a break or needed anything really. It was just a time where I look back and realize how far we've come and how lucky and blessed we are.

Day twenty-one- parental relationships

21. Describe your relationship with your parents.

Man, I'm 27 so doesn't that mean my parental relationships are complicated? This question is complicated with so many layers of time and experiences. I am not sure I could give a well thought out and full description of my relationships, but I guess I'll try.

My mom- like all mothers and daughters, I feel like my mom and I have had our ups and downs. Mostly ups, but I had a year or two of rebellion. I didn't want to listen to my mom or try to understand her but as I've gotten older, I realize how much we have in common and how much I can learn from her. I 100% respect my mom. She is amazing. She is one of my best friends. We call each other at least once a week and text all the time. I only live a few hours away from her and visit at least monthly. She loves having Miles and I visit and is a great sounding board for me. She really tells me how it is and isn't afraid to tell me that Carl is right and I need to just be nice to him.

My dad-  When my parents divorced they had shared custody of me and my dad got summers. This means that he and I spent less time together. Now that I am older he lives farther away from me, so it is tough to see him. I haven't seem him in a year. We talk and skype but my dad is often busy with his work and other things, so it is hard for him to get away and visit us. I am not working but have a baby so it is hard for me to either have the money to fly or be able to drive over to visit them. Despite these challenges we have managed to stay in touch. I love my dad and just hope that by moving closer to him our relationship will be stronger.

Day twenty three- favorite holiday

23. What’s your favorite holiday and why?

It's funny, but Carl and I discuss this often. We talk about what holidays we like and what ones we don't. We tend to have most of the same feelings, but there are a few holidays that Carl doesn't care about that I enjoy. I enjoy most holidays, even the smaller ones like St. Patrick's day.

I guess my very favorite holiday would have to be Christmas. I love Christmas because I love the together time. I love thinking of others and trying to come up with something they would enjoy. I love seeing the faces of others when they are seeing what fun thing I thought of for them. I especially love to see Miles and Carl. I love Christmas trees and the lights, hot chocolate and carols. I love the holiday stuff at church and the fun light displays, luminarias, . I just love everything about Christmas. It is fun and jolly and a great time of year.

Day twenty-two- looking ahead

22. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 10 years? 15 years?

This is a difficult question because Carl is in the military so we are not sure where we will be in another few years. After residency, the Air Force can send us anywhere they want. We "owe" four years after residency so I'm not sure where we will end up after that. Will we stay in? Will we get out? I don't know. All I know is that in 5,10, and 15 years I'd like to still be a mom who is happy and loving my life with my husband and children ( I'm thinking Miles and one more, but who knows... Plans change). I am hoping that by the time 15 years go by I will have figured out more of who I am and will be more comfortable with my life. I guess happy and healthy sum up my hopes for the next phases in life.

Day nineteen- parenthood

19. How did you feel the moment you became a parent

Wow.... This is a great question. I guess there are two parts, when I realized I was pregnant and when I really held Miles for the first time.

When I realized I was pregnant, I was so excited. It was actually my 25th birthday. I was going to go to my mom's house for the weekend because Carl had a conference out of town for a few days and I didn't want to be alone. I took a test because I was wondering and it was positive! Or was it? i saw a super faint blue line and was not really sure. I felt like a piece of my life was coming together. I was so excited and yet scared a bit too. I got in my car to go but another test, just to be sure, and I called my mom. I didn't want to tell Carl without being 100% sure.

After I talked to my mom, she made me see that I had to wait a few days before the hormone would be high enough for the test to be more than a faint line. I went to my moms, took like 3 more tests and sure enough I was pregnant with Miles. I was so excited.

After going through labor, I was so out of it but the one of the moments I really remember we're waiting to see my sons face. All I could see was his feet. I could hear him crying and I was crying too but I just wanted to see him and connect with him. I was already so in love and just wanted to connect my love with a face and a baby I could touch and hold.

The next real moment I remember was sitting in a wheelchair while we were being lead to out room. I held Miles and just kept saying over and over how much I loved him and how beautiful he was. I kept asking Carl and my mom, "isn't he so cute? Don't you just love him so much?"

The last great memory I have is the first night together. Carl, Miles, and I were all in our room. Miles was sleeping and all I felt was a tired, wonderful bliss. It was the best night. Carl and I recorded a video about how much we loved our baby and how grateful we were to be parents to this little miracle.

I love being a parent and I wouldn't change any bit of it. Miles is worth all of the time and energy he takes. He is the best baby. He is almost 2 and although I can't wait to see the man he becomes, I am glad for the time I get with him now.

my first test... see the SUPER faint line? 

The first one that proved I was pregnant

Another test I took for Carl so I could surprise him with the news

Miles' first picture

The first one where we could see his little face

Carl waiting with a new born Miles. I could see Carl and just make out little toes

Miles being more alert

My first time seeing little Miles... man, I look horrible... puffy and horrible... oh, well. Labor was really hard for me :)

Miles looking at me for the first time

His cute little hat and binky

Our first night

kissing baby toes

The day we went home from the hospital

Our little family

Day twenty- childhood memories

20. Describe 3 significant memories from your childhood

1. I remember living in Montana when I was around 11 or 12. During the summer my sister and I had the world at our fingertips. We would ride out bikes everywhere. We lived in a super small town and would ride to our grandmas house, or the museum, or just around. Our very favorite place was the peppermint stick. We'd go in and order a salad and share lunch together. Then we'd rode over to the bread shop and get a free bread sample. Sometimes we'd go to the pet store and see the animals or we'd go to kings and look at the toys. One fun thing we'd do is go to the movies for the summer movie. It is one of the best childhood memories I have. Summer, my sister, my bike, and freedom.

2. Another memory I have is living in California with my mom. We lived on base by a field of orange trees. I remember a friend from Portugal who was learning to speak English and the fun we had. I remember playing in the warm rain and splashing in puddles. Once my friends and I played fort in the big trees behind the housing development we lived in. There were tons of trees and we all picked one as our "house" to play in. Mine was huge. It had big leaves and branches that almost touched the ground but it was kind of hollow inside. It was like an umbrella. I also remember making orange juice from the orange trees and trying to sell it. I ended up spilling most of it so we didn't sell any, just drank it all. Great California memories.

3. I also remember when I was littler. Maybe 5 or so. Maybe younger maybe a bit older. I was with my family and we were all visiting my grandparents. By "all" I mean even my cousins and aunt and everyone. My grandma had a three story house with a bar in the basement. For some reason all the kids were playing downstairs (which according to my cousin Michon was full of aliens who would steal you or eat you... The basement was a scary place to be alone as a kid) while the adults were all on the floor above us. I remember we pretended to be bartenders ( I was one of the younger cousins so I was normally a customer since I had no clue what a bartender was, lol) and I got a soda with three red vine straws. It was fun playing in the basement with my cousins and being able to use candy as a straw. I just remember the joy of it all. I would eat the straw and pretend order another one. It was great.

Day seventeen- greatness

17. What is the thing you most wish you were great at?

I guess first I wish I could be great at being a mom first and foremost and I guess after that I wish I could be great at some kind of job. I'm not really sure I know what job yet, but that I could be great at whatever job I chose to do.

Day eighteen- love

18. What do you think your spouse loves most about you?

I think my spouse loves that I am a great mom. I think there are lots of other things that he loves, like my eyes and my heart but I think that the thing he loves most is how I parent our baby.

Day sixteen-accomplishments

16. What are your 5 greatest accomplishments?

1. Miles. He is a great baby and I feel like he is the greatest thing I have done with my life.
2. Graduating from college.
3. Seeing my husband through medical school. We had a few rough spots of him being gone a lot and me being alone with our baby, but we worked it out and have a better marriage for it.
4. Learning how to be myself. I think becoming a mom has helped me grow up in a lot of ways and I feel proud to be me now.
5. Going through labor with no drugs. 13 hours and 4+ hours of pushing. I must say, that much pain and I did it myself was quite the accomplishment.

Day fourteen- strengths and weaknesses

14. Describe 5 and weaknesses strengths you have.

Strengths-
1. Organization. I am really good at being organized and organizing other people.
2. A great Miles motivator. Carl says he is thankful I know how to talk to Miles. He is so stubborn and I have a way of talking to him to get him to do what I want.
3. I am vary persuasive. Very. I am really good at getting people to see my side of things and agreeing with me.
4. Compassionate. I feel for others, a lot. Also I feel very strongly about things.
5. I am a laid back person. I forgive others easily and try to not let things I can't change bother me. I don't obsess over other peoples choices and I get over fights and strife fairly quickly. I also tend to believe the best in people and try to not think the worst about others.

Weaknesses:
1. I have a big heart. This sucks. Whenever I leave people I care about I get so sad and feel depressed for around 2 or 3 days. It is horrible.
2. I am stubborn. I am also flexible to an extent but mostly stubborn.
3. I care. I care what people say. I can't just let it go and say, "oh well". I really have a hard time letting it go when people I care about say rude things. I have tender feelings. I take what people say about me to heart and have a hard time with criticism.
4. I get lazy. If my life is feeling boring, I feel depressed, or I feel sad I tend to only want to read and hang out. I don't want to cook dinner or clean up, which can lead to a messy house if I'm not careful.
5. I love to shop. I have to be careful because I can spend like an hour or two in target and find tons of stuff I want. This means that I tell myself I can get a little and put the rest on hold for a holiday. I have to be careful when I am in target because it is too easy to find myself spending more than I'd like. I have a level head though and am good at not spending too much when we are tight in cash.

Day fifteen- how we fell in love

15. Describe when you knew your spouse was the one or how you fell in love

I guess there wasn't a real moment where I thought he was the one. Not really just one time when I realized it... More like I respected him and liked him and it just kept growing until I did love him. We were friends long before we started dating so I think loving was gradual and has become deeper and deeper as time has gone on.

Anyway, we met out junior year in High School and were friends for almost a year before we started dating. We dated for awhile before actually saying I love you. I don't even remember our first verbal 'I love you' but the one I do remember was actually in an email. I was in Cabo on vacation with my dad and stepmom, friend, and brother. Carl and I were writing emails back and forth and on one of the emails Carl wrote love as a sign off. I don't think he even knew he did it, but it was the start of the love word in our relationship.

Like I said, we fell in love slowly. I always thought Carl was smart and cute, even before we were dating. I admired him and we had a lot of times where we just talked. I think the first moment he ever thought of me as more than a friend was our first real date. We went to our homecoming dance together and I think seeing me all dressed up made Carl see that we could be more than friends. I always wanted to be more, so when we kept on dating I liked him more and more. It was a slow burning love for us.

Day thirteen- growing up

13. What’s the hardest part of growing up?

I think the hardest part of growing up is feeling like you are responsible enough and grown up enough to do whatever you'd like. As a grown up, you look back and realize how inexperienced and how little you really knew. You want the best for your kids so you try to save them from mistakes but it just angers teens. It feels like your parents don't trust you... It is a complicated situation that makes for a tough few years.

I know now that my parents just wanted the best for me and were doing what they did because they love me, but it was tough in the moment because as a teen you don't see it that way. Anyway, I just think that once you grow up a bit it gets easier and you have enough experiences to be fully ready for adulthood. You are not meant to be on our own as a 14,15,16, or 17 year old and there is a reason for that. You have to wait until you are 19 and I feel like it is tough when you are waiting to be old enough but not there yet.

Day eleven- pet peeves

11. Describe 10 pet peeves you have.

10 is so many! I am not sure I have ten to share... Maybe I'll just do 3.

1. I've already shared my compulsion for lateness. I actually think the reason for this goes back to when I was little. My mom and dad were divorced and living in different states. I had to fly to see my dad at the beginning of the summer and fly to my mom's when summer was over. Anyway, more than once my dad and I were late getting to the airport. This resulted in us having to run through the airport and almost missing my flight. Now my dad was a busy dad with lots of little kids, so I understand why we were often late and I never actually missed a flight but I think it just always stuck with me. The picture of running through the airport and feeling like everyone was looking at me. It was not fun so when I am late I feel the same bad feelings all over again. I also really don't like when others are late, but I already explained that in a previous day.

2. Making plans and having them change at the last minute. This drives me nuts. If it is a little thing (like a restaurant change) it isn't a big deal, but when it is a big plan change like a cancellation or something it is hard for me to wrap my mind around the change at the last minute. It makes me nervous and anxious and I don't like it.

3. Waking up to a messy house. It makes my day unproductive. It is like when I start and it is messy I don't want to do anything all day long. I try and clean up at night before I go to bed and have Miles help.... I hate waking up and being forced to clean up the mess we made yesterday. It just makes for a bad morning and a really unmotivated day.

Day twelve- my day

12. Describe a typical day in your current life.

Hmm... I guess this depends on what day it is. He weekend is very different from a weekday and I think this will all change once we move. Well, a weekday normally goes like this:

We wake up. Usually wake up happens between 6 and 7, just depending on when Miles decides. We wake up and I make coffee and turn on the news. I get miles some breakfast and he plays for a bit while I enjoy some quiet-ish time.

We get ready and play and some times go for a run or do a work out video together. Then it is snack time and nap. Miles usually has a nap from 11:30 to around 1. Then we do errands and play. Carl comes home around 5 and then we make and eat dinner and hang out as a family until miles goes to bed at 8. I usually stay up and read until about 9:30 and then bed for me too.

I have a feeling how we spend out days is going to change a lot when we move. Having a pool and family close by will make for days filled with friends and play dates and more fun. I am excited for the next chapter in our lives. Only another month until we move!