January 16, 2014


We just had our 20 week ultrasound and it wasn't quite what I was expecting. I prayed last night that God would help it to go smoothly and would help to stop my worries and fears. Well, He did.... Just not in the way I was expecting.

Miles went to bed a little late the night before and slept in an extra hour. Now, if you know me well you would know that I am so weird about being late, so an extra hour of not being able to get ready or eat or do normal morning things already gave me stress.....BUT it turned out so well. I drank my juice and water and got ready for the whole "full bladder" thing that the airforce doctors demand for some unseen reason. I got Miles ready and myself ready, made breakfast, and got out of the house in perfect time to meet my mother-in-law outside of the gate and drive to the hospital. 

I think I will quickly mention that I had TONS of stress over all of this. I had to have someone who could sit with Miles while I had the beginning of my ultrasound. And between worrying if my mother-in-law could come (which we didn't even intend her to watch Miles when we invited her... We just wanted her to get the chance to see the baby too) and if Carl would be able to switch patients around so he could come I felt like a crazy woman who wanted to call and invite the whole world just incase no one came.  Then there was the worrying that the whole thing would be rescheduled if my bladder wasn't full enough and we'd have to do it again. It was a super stressful few days before the appointment. I felt so stressed that I wasn't even half as excited for this ultrasound as I should have been. 

Turns out we were perfectly 15 min early, the exact time they tell you to come in at. I felt nervous for the ultrasound but was mostly worried that Miles would be a horrible kid while my mother-in-law watched him. I was worried about him being naughty with no mom or dad around to make him be the quiet, sweet boy he usually is. 

I got to the counter and the behind-the-desk lady said I could go into the small waitingroom back in the radiology department but my son and family had to wait out here. Welcome to mommy stress. I sat Miles down and told him that mommy was going to see pictures of baby brother or sister and that he could play his games with grandma (we had discussed this at least 5 times that morning, so he was mostly used to the idea). He cried while I walked away and although I knew he would be fine and that grandma was more than qualified to handle whatever he did, I still felt a bit of guilt and worry. 

I followed what directions I thought I remembered the desk lady saying and found a "waiting room" that consisted of 6 chairs. The room was smaller than my bathroom. 4 people were sitting, knees almost touching, and another man was standing.... This should have been a sign. I should have seen this as a bad thing and realized how busy they must have been; instead I figured that they must be waiting for x-rays or ct scans (both of which were located next to this waiting room). 

I ended up waiting for an hour.  That was 45 min past my appt time. The whole time I was sitting there I wondered if I followed the wrong directions, if Miles was even behaving or was screaming and being naughty( not that he ever does that, but there is a first time for everything), and if Carl was even going to make this appt since he only had an hour off and 45 min of it was wasted with me not even getting my ultrasound. I was furious, sad, nervous, and so many other emotions. I felt like screaming at someone and at the same time felt like crying for days (yeah, we can chalk those feelings up to pregnancy hormones). 

Eventually I get called back and was informed that 2 techs didn't come to work for some reason and that they were really behind. Thank goodness the tech I had was super nice, so I didn't bite her head off or cry on her shoulder. She brought me in and took a quick picture and then let me use the restroom. Remember me mentioning the whole full bladder thing? Yeah... Waiting an extra 45 min was not a great thing to do to a pregnant woman with a full bladder. 

Baby was a such a trooper. I think the baby slept the whole time and the tech got all the pictures in 20 minutes. When we did the ultrasound for miles, he moved all over... We have one good picture of his profile. He just didn't want to show us the side of his face. This baby held really still and I got to see a bunch of the baby's face, while the tech moved around the wand and found whatever mysterious thing she was searching for. It was sweet. 

The tech finally let the family come back (why the family can't be there the whole time, I'll never understand) and Miles started crying. He seems to do that everytime he sees me after I'm gone. I'm convinced it is to make me feel so guilty I never leave him again. He stops crying after a minute or two and the tech shows us the baby again. Carl sees the baby for a minute and then has to rush upstairs for his next patient (he was already 10 minutes late!). The tech takes that as a sign that we are all finished looking at the baby and wraps up.

My supposed to be 45 minute appointment, filled with great pictures and memories, with my family looking at our little miracle, and Carl and I getting to see our baby for the last time was not any of that. It was short, rushed, and not at all what I wanted. I feel cheated. With the ultrasound of Miles, Carl was in the room the whole time and we got to be in awe of the little baby I was growing. We had a long time to just bask in glow of seeing our baby move, suck his thumb, and kick. It was amazing. It felt like we were seeing a miracle in real time. This ultrasound felt like the tech was late and hurried and us seeing the baby wasn't even a consideration. The tech was there to take the pictures of the baby's heart, head, organs, and to measure my fluid. It wasn't about seeing my miracle. It was about hurrying to get the pictures taken so the next patient could be brought in. 

I feel cheated. 

After our appointment was finished, Miles and I waited for Carl to finish his late appointment and we all ate lunch. I came home, uploaded the pictures the tech gave me to my computer, and felt so tired. After all the stress and worry, it was over and now I got to play the waiting game to hear from my doc how my baby was doing. 

I didn't have to wait long. 

Here are two pics that the tech took of little peanut: 

My doctor called that evening and said that our baby was growing well. Baby Bryce was doing good.............. But this baby has an echogenic focus. Just like Miles. My doctor started to explain about it, but I told him we had already been through this with Miles and I didn't have any questions. 

I guess we now get another ultrasound with a specialist and I get to set up and worry and stress all over again. Let's hope this next ultrasound goes better. 

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