April 26, 2013

Day twenty-six- the world is wrong

26. What popular notion do you think the world has most wrong?

I'm not really sure about this. I guess I don't really pay attention to what notions the world has. I think each county, state, religion, town, and family have their own notions and it is difficult for me to say that they are wrong.

I tend to think that other people can believe whatever they'd like and so can I. Maybe I'm just too easy going for any kind of judgement, lol. There are things I wish people didn't believe. For example, the belief that everyone has to be stick thin to be beautiful or that me still nursing my 21 month old is wrong. I guess I just don't like judgement so I try to not do it to others. Maybe that is the notion I think is wrong.... that people have the right to judge others. Ok, I think that might be the only notion I can think of that is wrong. Judgement. People shouldn't judge others.

Day twenty-five- history dinner

25. If you could have dinner with anyone in history, who would it be and what would you eat?

There is really only one person I would have loved to meet and that is Jesus. He was a world shaker. He changed everything about religion and I know that he sure changed me. I would love to meet him and I know someday I will. As for what we'd eat, I totally wouldn't care. I think whatever was served would 100% pale in comparison to my dinner companion.

Day twenty-four- favorite parent moment

24. What’s your favorite and least favorite thing about parenthood?

My favorite thing about parenting is the sweet little things Miles does. He always has moments of total sweetness where he will kiss me just because or will dance in the middle of the living room because he likes the commercial song. There are just little moments that are perfect and wonderful that make parenting worth it.

My least favorite thing is night time. After we fall asleep and before we get up. This is the time where Miles is either the best sleeper and has a great night (which is most of the time) or it is horrible. There are nights where he wakes up and his nose is so stuffy he can't sleep or he is sick and throws up. The moments where I am so tired I can't find the strength to deal with it. Where I am so tired I can't be super nice and cuddly. I just want sleep.

Now my very favorite moment of being a parent was the first few weeks Miles was born. It was magic. Carl and I just used the time to wonder in our baby. My mom was here to help cook and clean and my sister was here to help if I needed a break or needed anything really. It was just a time where I look back and realize how far we've come and how lucky and blessed we are.

April 25, 2013

Day twenty-one- parental relationships

21. Describe your relationship with your parents.

Man, I'm 27 so doesn't that mean my parental relationships are complicated? This question is complicated with so many layers of time and experiences. I am not sure I could give a well thought out and full description of my relationships, but I guess I'll try.

My mom- like all mothers and daughters, I feel like my mom and I have had our ups and downs. Mostly ups, but I had a year or two of rebellion. I didn't want to listen to my mom or try to understand her but as I've gotten older, I realize how much we have in common and how much I can learn from her. I 100% respect my mom. She is amazing. She is one of my best friends. We call each other at least once a week and text all the time. I only live a few hours away from her and visit at least monthly. She loves having Miles and I visit and is a great sounding board for me. She really tells me how it is and isn't afraid to tell me that Carl is right and I need to just be nice to him.

My dad-  When my parents divorced they had shared custody of me and my dad got summers. This means that he and I spent less time together. Now that I am older he lives farther away from me, so it is tough to see him. I haven't seem him in a year. We talk and skype but my dad is often busy with his work and other things, so it is hard for him to get away and visit us. I am not working but have a baby so it is hard for me to either have the money to fly or be able to drive over to visit them. Despite these challenges we have managed to stay in touch. I love my dad and just hope that by moving closer to him our relationship will be stronger.

April 24, 2013

Day twenty three- favorite holiday

23. What’s your favorite holiday and why?

It's funny, but Carl and I discuss this often. We talk about what holidays we like and what ones we don't. We tend to have most of the same feelings, but there are a few holidays that Carl doesn't care about that I enjoy. I enjoy most holidays, even the smaller ones like St. Patrick's day.

I guess my very favorite holiday would have to be Christmas. I love Christmas because I love the together time. I love thinking of others and trying to come up with something they would enjoy. I love seeing the faces of others when they are seeing what fun thing I thought of for them. I especially love to see Miles and Carl. I love Christmas trees and the lights, hot chocolate and carols. I love the holiday stuff at church and the fun light displays, luminarias, . I just love everything about Christmas. It is fun and jolly and a great time of year.

April 23, 2013

Day twenty-two- looking ahead

22. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 10 years? 15 years?

This is a difficult question because Carl is in the military so we are not sure where we will be in another few years. After residency, the Air Force can send us anywhere they want. We "owe" four years after residency so I'm not sure where we will end up after that. Will we stay in? Will we get out? I don't know. All I know is that in 5,10, and 15 years I'd like to still be a mom who is happy and loving my life with my husband and children ( I'm thinking Miles and one more, but who knows... Plans change). I am hoping that by the time 15 years go by I will have figured out more of who I am and will be more comfortable with my life. I guess happy and healthy sum up my hopes for the next phases in life.

Day nineteen- parenthood

19. How did you feel the moment you became a parent

Wow.... This is a great question. I guess there are two parts, when I realized I was pregnant and when I really held Miles for the first time.

When I realized I was pregnant, I was so excited. It was actually my 25th birthday. I was going to go to my mom's house for the weekend because Carl had a conference out of town for a few days and I didn't want to be alone. I took a test because I was wondering and it was positive! Or was it? i saw a super faint blue line and was not really sure. I felt like a piece of my life was coming together. I was so excited and yet scared a bit too. I got in my car to go but another test, just to be sure, and I called my mom. I didn't want to tell Carl without being 100% sure.

After I talked to my mom, she made me see that I had to wait a few days before the hormone would be high enough for the test to be more than a faint line. I went to my moms, took like 3 more tests and sure enough I was pregnant with Miles. I was so excited.

After going through labor, I was so out of it but the one of the moments I really remember we're waiting to see my sons face. All I could see was his feet. I could hear him crying and I was crying too but I just wanted to see him and connect with him. I was already so in love and just wanted to connect my love with a face and a baby I could touch and hold.

The next real moment I remember was sitting in a wheelchair while we were being lead to out room. I held Miles and just kept saying over and over how much I loved him and how beautiful he was. I kept asking Carl and my mom, "isn't he so cute? Don't you just love him so much?"

The last great memory I have is the first night together. Carl, Miles, and I were all in our room. Miles was sleeping and all I felt was a tired, wonderful bliss. It was the best night. Carl and I recorded a video about how much we loved our baby and how grateful we were to be parents to this little miracle.

I love being a parent and I wouldn't change any bit of it. Miles is worth all of the time and energy he takes. He is the best baby. He is almost 2 and although I can't wait to see the man he becomes, I am glad for the time I get with him now.

my first test... see the SUPER faint line? 

The first one that proved I was pregnant

Another test I took for Carl so I could surprise him with the news

Miles' first picture

The first one where we could see his little face

Carl waiting with a new born Miles. I could see Carl and just make out little toes

Miles being more alert

My first time seeing little Miles... man, I look horrible... puffy and horrible... oh, well. Labor was really hard for me :)

Miles looking at me for the first time

His cute little hat and binky

Our first night

kissing baby toes

The day we went home from the hospital

Our little family

April 22, 2013

Day twenty- childhood memories

20. Describe 3 significant memories from your childhood

1. I remember living in Montana when I was around 11 or 12. During the summer my sister and I had the world at our fingertips. We would ride out bikes everywhere. We lived in a super small town and would ride to our grandmas house, or the museum, or just around. Our very favorite place was the peppermint stick. We'd go in and order a salad and share lunch together. Then we'd rode over to the bread shop and get a free bread sample. Sometimes we'd go to the pet store and see the animals or we'd go to kings and look at the toys. One fun thing we'd do is go to the movies for the summer movie. It is one of the best childhood memories I have. Summer, my sister, my bike, and freedom.

2. Another memory I have is living in California with my mom. We lived on base by a field of orange trees. I remember a friend from Portugal who was learning to speak English and the fun we had. I remember playing in the warm rain and splashing in puddles. Once my friends and I played fort in the big trees behind the housing development we lived in. There were tons of trees and we all picked one as our "house" to play in. Mine was huge. It had big leaves and branches that almost touched the ground but it was kind of hollow inside. It was like an umbrella. I also remember making orange juice from the orange trees and trying to sell it. I ended up spilling most of it so we didn't sell any, just drank it all. Great California memories.

3. I also remember when I was littler. Maybe 5 or so. Maybe younger maybe a bit older. I was with my family and we were all visiting my grandparents. By "all" I mean even my cousins and aunt and everyone. My grandma had a three story house with a bar in the basement. For some reason all the kids were playing downstairs (which according to my cousin Michon was full of aliens who would steal you or eat you... The basement was a scary place to be alone as a kid) while the adults were all on the floor above us. I remember we pretended to be bartenders ( I was one of the younger cousins so I was normally a customer since I had no clue what a bartender was, lol) and I got a soda with three red vine straws. It was fun playing in the basement with my cousins and being able to use candy as a straw. I just remember the joy of it all. I would eat the straw and pretend order another one. It was great.

April 21, 2013

Day seventeen- greatness

17. What is the thing you most wish you were great at?

I guess first I wish I could be great at being a mom first and foremost and I guess after that I wish I could be great at some kind of job. I'm not really sure I know what job yet, but that I could be great at whatever job I chose to do.

April 20, 2013

Day eighteen- love

18. What do you think your spouse loves most about you?

I think my spouse loves that I am a great mom. I think there are lots of other things that he loves, like my eyes and my heart but I think that the thing he loves most is how I parent our baby.

Day sixteen-accomplishments

16. What are your 5 greatest accomplishments?

1. Miles. He is a great baby and I feel like he is the greatest thing I have done with my life.
2. Graduating from college.
3. Seeing my husband through medical school. We had a few rough spots of him being gone a lot and me being alone with our baby, but we worked it out and have a better marriage for it.
4. Learning how to be myself. I think becoming a mom has helped me grow up in a lot of ways and I feel proud to be me now.
5. Going through labor with no drugs. 13 hours and 4+ hours of pushing. I must say, that much pain and I did it myself was quite the accomplishment.

April 19, 2013

Day fourteen- strengths and weaknesses

14. Describe 5 and weaknesses strengths you have.

1. Organization. I am really good at being organized and organizing other people.
2. A great Miles motivator. Carl says he is thankful I know how to talk to Miles. He is so stubborn and I have a way of talking to him to get him to do what I want.
3. I am vary persuasive. Very. I am really good at getting people to see my side of things and agreeing with me.
4. Compassionate. I feel for others, a lot. Also I feel very strongly about things.
5. I am a laid back person. I forgive others easily and try to not let things I can't change bother me. I don't obsess over other peoples choices and I get over fights and strife fairly quickly. I also tend to believe the best in people and try to not think the worst about others.

1. I have a big heart. This sucks. Whenever I leave people I care about I get so sad and feel depressed for around 2 or 3 days. It is horrible.
2. I am stubborn. I am also flexible to an extent but mostly stubborn.
3. I care. I care what people say. I can't just let it go and say, "oh well". I really have a hard time letting it go when people I care about say rude things. I have tender feelings. I take what people say about me to heart and have a hard time with criticism.
4. I get lazy. If my life is feeling boring, I feel depressed, or I feel sad I tend to only want to read and hang out. I don't want to cook dinner or clean up, which can lead to a messy house if I'm not careful.
5. I love to shop. I have to be careful because I can spend like an hour or two in target and find tons of stuff I want. This means that I tell myself I can get a little and put the rest on hold for a holiday. I have to be careful when I am in target because it is too easy to find myself spending more than I'd like. I have a level head though and am good at not spending too much when we are tight in cash.

April 18, 2013

Day fifteen- how we fell in love

15. Describe when you knew your spouse was the one or how you fell in love

I guess there wasn't a real moment where I thought he was the one. Not really just one time when I realized it... More like I respected him and liked him and it just kept growing until I did love him. We were friends long before we started dating so I think loving was gradual and has become deeper and deeper as time has gone on.

Anyway, we met out junior year in High School and were friends for almost a year before we started dating. We dated for awhile before actually saying I love you. I don't even remember our first verbal 'I love you' but the one I do remember was actually in an email. I was in Cabo on vacation with my dad and stepmom, friend, and brother. Carl and I were writing emails back and forth and on one of the emails Carl wrote love as a sign off. I don't think he even knew he did it, but it was the start of the love word in our relationship.

Like I said, we fell in love slowly. I always thought Carl was smart and cute, even before we were dating. I admired him and we had a lot of times where we just talked. I think the first moment he ever thought of me as more than a friend was our first real date. We went to our homecoming dance together and I think seeing me all dressed up made Carl see that we could be more than friends. I always wanted to be more, so when we kept on dating I liked him more and more. It was a slow burning love for us.

April 17, 2013

Day thirteen- growing up

13. What’s the hardest part of growing up?

I think the hardest part of growing up is feeling like you are responsible enough and grown up enough to do whatever you'd like. As a grown up, you look back and realize how inexperienced and how little you really knew. You want the best for your kids so you try to save them from mistakes but it just angers teens. It feels like your parents don't trust you... It is a complicated situation that makes for a tough few years.

I know now that my parents just wanted the best for me and were doing what they did because they love me, but it was tough in the moment because as a teen you don't see it that way. Anyway, I just think that once you grow up a bit it gets easier and you have enough experiences to be fully ready for adulthood. You are not meant to be on our own as a 14,15,16, or 17 year old and there is a reason for that. You have to wait until you are 19 and I feel like it is tough when you are waiting to be old enough but not there yet.

April 16, 2013

Day eleven- pet peeves

11. Describe 10 pet peeves you have.

10 is so many! I am not sure I have ten to share... Maybe I'll just do 3.

1. I've already shared my compulsion for lateness. I actually think the reason for this goes back to when I was little. My mom and dad were divorced and living in different states. I had to fly to see my dad at the beginning of the summer and fly to my mom's when summer was over. Anyway, more than once my dad and I were late getting to the airport. This resulted in us having to run through the airport and almost missing my flight. Now my dad was a busy dad with lots of little kids, so I understand why we were often late and I never actually missed a flight but I think it just always stuck with me. The picture of running through the airport and feeling like everyone was looking at me. It was not fun so when I am late I feel the same bad feelings all over again. I also really don't like when others are late, but I already explained that in a previous day.

2. Making plans and having them change at the last minute. This drives me nuts. If it is a little thing (like a restaurant change) it isn't a big deal, but when it is a big plan change like a cancellation or something it is hard for me to wrap my mind around the change at the last minute. It makes me nervous and anxious and I don't like it.

3. Waking up to a messy house. It makes my day unproductive. It is like when I start and it is messy I don't want to do anything all day long. I try and clean up at night before I go to bed and have Miles help.... I hate waking up and being forced to clean up the mess we made yesterday. It just makes for a bad morning and a really unmotivated day.

April 14, 2013

Day twelve- my day

12. Describe a typical day in your current life.

Hmm... I guess this depends on what day it is. He weekend is very different from a weekday and I think this will all change once we move. Well, a weekday normally goes like this:

We wake up. Usually wake up happens between 6 and 7, just depending on when Miles decides. We wake up and I make coffee and turn on the news. I get miles some breakfast and he plays for a bit while I enjoy some quiet-ish time.

We get ready and play and some times go for a run or do a work out video together. Then it is snack time and nap. Miles usually has a nap from 11:30 to around 1. Then we do errands and play. Carl comes home around 5 and then we make and eat dinner and hang out as a family until miles goes to bed at 8. I usually stay up and read until about 9:30 and then bed for me too.

I have a feeling how we spend out days is going to change a lot when we move. Having a pool and family close by will make for days filled with friends and play dates and more fun. I am excited for the next chapter in our lives. Only another month until we move!

April 13, 2013

Day ten-most embarrassing moment

10. Describe your most embarrassing moment.

I don't know if I have the nerve to actually do this one. There is really only one moment I still feel super embarrassed about and I don't think I can share it for the world to read. Plus I think my family would tease me endlessly about it. So, if you actually want to know and I trust you enough, bring it up on the phone and I might have the nerve to tell you then. It isn't like I tripped and showed my underwear (although one time I did wear a dress to church and the wind blew up my dress for everyone in the parking lot to see... That was embarrassing but not my most embarrassing moment). Anyway, I'm not going to go there. Sorry :)

April 11, 2013

Day nine- influential people

9. List 10 people who have influenced you and describe how.

This is tough to think of these people and to write them all down and to only have 10. Man... Another tough question day. Well, here goes and these are not in any specific order:

1. My mom. She is the most generous person I have ever met. She gives and gives and gives. I know that she would so whatever she could to help me or anyone out. She has a great heart that is big and full of love to give. She is the kind of person who is so giving to the people she loves. I hope I can one day be as generous as her.

2. Alyssa. Carl's mom is a great mom. When I first met Carl, I loved his mom. She would make dinner and leave an extra plate for someone just in case. I was often the "just in case" person that year. She showed me that it is possible to care and love your babies, even when they got older. Plus she is a great mother in law.

3. My Aunt Margot. She is so crafty and is a great cook! I want a craft room like hers and wish I lived down the street so she could show me everything she knows. She is so smart and man, she can cook!

4. Carl. He has shown me how to really feel loved. I know my parents love me, but doesn't almost every parent love their child? It's kind of a given that they love you. Carl was the first real love. The first love through hard times and the first who shows me that he loves me even when I don't love myself. He loves my stretch marked tummy and when he holds me he comments on how soft it is and how he loves that it held our baby. I hate my tummy, but I love that Carl loves it. He is just a great man who shows me love.

5. My step family. My dad remarried when I was 8 and I went from being an only child to all of a sudden having three brothers, a sister, and another sister that came a few years later. I know that no matter what happens, I have siblings that I can go to and people I love to be with. I am glad to have these people to call my family.

6. My friends- don't friends always have some kind of influence on you? Growing up, friends help to mold what you believe in and who you want to be like. As you get older, friends influence where you like to eat out and what products you use... Along with so many other personal things. My friends are no different. They have influenced many decisions I have made and influence many decisions I will make in the future. Friends are a sounding board and a shoulder all in one :)

7. My doula, Nancy. She was such a great, strong force for me that she has influenced me to want to be that for others. I have really though about becoming a doula after my kids are older and when Carl and I are more stable and are living in one place. I think it might be the kind of job I'd enjoy (after all, I can't be a stay at home mom forever).

8. My grandma Pat. She is one strong lady! She and my Papa have been married for something like 53 years! It is crazy! She loves him and has stuck by him trough everything. This woman has shown me the power of marriage. I read somewhere that if your parents married others after divorcing, you're 91 percent more likely to get divorced. Man, what bad odds... But my grandma gives me hope that if Carl and I choose to stay together that we can have a happy marriage and that we can make it!

9. The paster's wife from my old church, Sharon. She is the most godly woman I have ever met. She loves everyone and showed me the kind of sweet, compassionate, godly woman I hope to be.

10. Sheral. This is Carl's step mom. It's weird but she taught me the lesson on loving people you don't really know. When we visited her and Carl's dad this summer, she welcomed us into her home and treated Miles as her own grandchild. She never really spent any time with me and had never even met Miles, but she went out of her way to make sure I felt included and loved. That meant a lot to me. She was more than nice my son and me and she didn't have to be.

Day eight- passions

8. What are 5 passions you have?

I have a passion for reading. It is my way of visiting the world. Seeing and doing so many things I will never be able to do. It is a great escape from my everyday stuff and books feel like friends to me. I reread the books I love and feel like the characters are friends I can "visit" whenever I have time.

I also love organizing and helping to de-clutter things. I do it for my mom all the time. It is just fun. I don't love to do it all the time, and doing it in my own home is much harder than doing it for others.

Another passion I have is for new moms. I feel like because of my need to know everything I enjoy helping other pregnant moms learn. I like sharing my experiences and helping them to feel more comfortable with what they are going through. Pregnancy was such a crazy time. My body was changing all the time and labor was always looming.

I was so nervous and scared because I had never been in labor. I did as much research as I could and was as prepared as I could be but it still wasn't enough. I had a doula help me with my labor and I am so thankful I had her help. She helped me, my sister (who was there), and Carl. She was a part of my team and one day, I might become a doula too. I think helping ladies through the most important part of their life is important and wonderful. Birth is a miracle and it would be fun to be a part of that.

I also have a passion my child. I hope to one day have more than one kiddo, but it's just Miles for the foreseeable future. I think most parents are passionate about their children. You care about them and what life will be like for them.

Another passion of mine is crafting. I love to craft. I don't really have he space now but would love to have a space for crafting one day. I would love to make my own cards, learn how to sew, scrapbook, and just he crafty in general.

April 10, 2013

Day seven- dream job

7. What is your dream job, and why?

My dream job is what I'm doing right now. I never really had a job that I thought about or a career that I couldn't wait for. The only thing I wanted, even when I was younger, was to be a mom. I wanted to have kids and make a home. I wanted to make good dinners and fun treats and be the kind of mom that would be there for her kids and husband. I wanted to take care of a home and family.

This is my dream and I am lucky enough to be able to do it everyday. There are some days it is more challenging and I don't think being a stay at home mom is for everyone, but I love it and wouldn't change it for anything! My home and family are my dream jobs!

April 8, 2013


We had the best Easter ever. We woke up to hidden eggs all over the living room and a fun basket for miles. We had set it all up the night before so it was a great surprise for miles.

Miles would find an egg and open it. The eggs had a few pieces of cereal in them. I filled them with lucky charms and golden grams. He loved it! He would find an egg and sit with it forever! It was hard to get him to keep searching for the eggs. In fact, we kept up with the eggs hunt almost all day. It was so fun. He would find an egg and run to us yelling egg. He was so proud of himself!

After that we got ready and went to the zoo. It was a super busy day at the zoo, but it was fun to see the cool treats they got out for the animals.

When we got home from the zoo, miles napped and then we watched his Easter movie. It was a great day full of fun and family time.

Day six- wishes

6. If you could have three wishes, what would you wish for?

First I'd wish for financial security. I'd never want to have to worry about bills or payments or insurance again. For myself and my kids.

Second, I'd wish for my family's happiness. That even in the bad times we'd generally stay happy.

Last, I'd wish for health. For all of us to be healthy with no crazy health scares. After the croup scare with Miles last Christmas, I'd never like to be scared for my kids again.

April 7, 2013

Day five- happiness

#5. What are the 5 things that make you most happy right now?

1. The way Miles says choo-choo. He says doooo-doooo in a super high pitched way that is so cute.
2. A bath with a great book. Alone. No kids or husbands allowed.
3. Going to the zoo and just enjoying time with Carl and Miles.
4. Chocolate. Yum. Especially dark chocolate with sea salt. Double yum
5. Listening to music. Music makes me feel happy and gives my day a great start. Also showering alone while is listen to music helps too.

Day four- my 16 year old self

#4. List 10 things you would tell your 16 year-old self, if you could.

Man, this is a tough one. I think that 16 is a crazy age. It's full of fun and adventure but still so emotional and hard.

1. Don't worry so much about the friends you make, I promise it all works out.
2. Appreciate living at home, it all ends too soon and then you have to worry about so much more.
3. Tell your parents you love them more. You will be a grown up before you know it.
4. Your life turns out great so don't sweat the small stuff.
5. Don't be too hard on yourself. People make mistakes. It is a way to learn and grow.

I guess that's it... Only 5, but I had a great childhood. There are only a few things I regret from my teen years and a few things that stuck with me but overall it was a good time. There are some things I would tell myself to not do but that is a bit more personal than I'd like to share here. A few things that I wish never happened, but they did shape who I am. It seems like the teen years are so tumultuous. All I know is that those years are something I am glad I never have to repeat.

Day three- my spouse

#3- Describe your relationship with your spouse

This is a complicated and very personal day. Hmm... I guess if I had to summarize my relationship with Carl, I would say we are best friends. That means that we share almost everything- the good, the bad, the scary, the difficult, the wonderful. We share it all.

We tend to be good communicators. We talk about what is bothering us and how we can change it to be better. We have mostly good times and experiences but there have been really hard times between us that stemmed from not communicating and when we went back to talking, we worked it out. I think there will always be times of struggle between us because no one is perfect but I also have faith that we love each other enough to figure out a way to make it work. We have learned, through time, how we should talk and what things we should bring up or let go.

Our relationship is full of laughter and love. One of the reasons I fell in love with Carl was because he made me laugh, a lot. I laughed so much each time we were together and I still laugh. I love that my best friend makes me laugh and is my partner in life.

Another part of our relationship is care and respect. Carl cares about me and my feelings and he respects me enough to listen and try to change something if I'm not happy. I have the same care and respect for him, so it makes for a good relationship. We really make a good team.

Our relationship is one that is built well. We were friends first and had an understanding of each other before we ever had a loving relationship. We had the respect before we had love and I think that has helped us to stay strong.

We have a great marriage full of happiness and love and I am so glad that our love can be grown by Miles and any future children we may have. I consider myself a lucky lady to have Carl by my side as my partner, love, and best friend.

April 6, 2013

Day two - fears

Day two: Describe 3 legitimate fears you have and explain how they became fears.

I guess fear is a funny thing. It changes as you get older and realize that there are bigger and scarier things than just what's under the bed. I wonder if fear stems from the unknown. I guess I have often feared the unknown. It really is the root to my fears.

#1- My biggest and most interfering on the day to day stuff is my fear of the unknown. When I was baptized as a born-again Christian I was so scared. I had never seen it and had never done it, so when we were counseled about it I had the pastor go through every step. I literally had him walk me in the chapel and show me each step so I wouldn't be as nervous and so I could stop the fear I had. Before I had Miles I talked to tons of people who gave birth and I read tons and tons of books and websites. It made me feel more comfortable with the idea of labor, even though when I look back I realize that nothing could have prepared me for birth :)

#2- I fear Carl leaving me. I guess I fear this most because if it ever happened it would tear apart our family. It would destroy me and change everything. How would I support myself? How could I raise Miles without him by my side? It just makes things so much harder that I fear what life would be without the structure,support, and love that Carl gives to our family.

#3- I fear looking back and wishing I could have been more. I worry I am not enough for the people around me and for myself. I think the stems from the way I grew up. My parents divorced and I think that part of my childhood influenced me before I even understood. I think I wondered if I was enough then and I still wonder that now..... I wonder if I am enough for myself and for others around me.

Day one-20 random facts

Number one on the list says:
20 random facts about myself

So here goes!
1. I am addicted to reading. No really... I think reading is like a drug to me. When I am reading a good book, I think about it all the time and count the minutes to when I can read again.
2. I love nature documentaries. They are so fun to watch.
3. I have a really sensitive heart and feel really sad whenever I have to leave any family. Like barely short of depression sadness.
4. I often wonder what my life would be like if I wasn't so scared of new things.
5. I am afraid of most anything I don't already know about. This ranges from speaking in front of people to jumping into lakes to really scary things like sky diving.
6. I hate buying new shoes. I love shoes but I hate having to break in new ones.
7. I have a new love for coffee. It is my one break in the morning that I allow myself some me time. It isn't really the coffee, it's more the warm drink in my hand and the time to myself that I love.
8. Every time I go into a bookstore I have the random urge to go to the bathroom. It's weird, but true. Carl makes fun of me every time we venture into one.
9. I love to make jello cake for the 4th of July. Even if no one eats it, I still love to make it.
10. I love to bake. Love. When I am in the mood, I will bake whatever sweet thing I think sounds good.
11. On the flip side, cooking isn't that great. I am a good cook, but don't really like cooking.
12. I rarely remember my dreams.
13. I don't remember the last time I didn't wake up at least once at night. I think it was somewhere around month 6 of my pregnancy with Miles.
14. I love having my toenails painted. They make me feel pretty.
15. I have a weakness for Reese's. especially the holiday ones with extra peanut butter. Yum
16. I hate most bugs and am scared of cockroaches.
17. I constantly wonder if I'm doing enough and being enough. Especially for Miles. Motherhood is filled with worries and doubts for me.
18. I don't have a favorite movie. I like Disney movies, but don't really have a favorite.
19. One of my favorites places to go is Disneyland. I LOVE going to Disneyland. It is a blast!
20. I hate being late. It irritates me so much that when others are really late it makes me mad. I can understand up to about 15 minutes, but more than that and and I feel like you didn't care enough to show up on time. There are always circumstances that make lateness ok, don't get me wrong. I am understanding, but I hate being late myself, and just wish others would have the same consideration for me.

30 things I'd like my children to know about me

I was searching pinterest and came across this idea that I thought would be fun to do. I haven't blogged in awhile, but this would give me a great topic to keep blogging on. I'm going to start blogging on this list. I'd like to do at least one a week, sometimes more, sometimes less.... I guess depending on how miles does all day. Here's the list-

30 things I'd like my children to know about me:

1. List 20 random facts about yourself.
2. Describe 3 legitimate fears you have and explain how they became fears.
3. Describe your relationship with your spouse.
4. List 10 things you would tell your 16 year-old self, if you could.
5. What are the 5 things that make you most happy right now?
6. If you could have three wishes, what would you wish for?
7. What is your dream job, and why?
8. What are 5 passions you have?
9. List a few people who have influenced you and describe how.
10. Describe your ideal day.
11. Describe 10 pet peeves you have.
12. Describe a typical day in your current life.
13. What’s the hardest part of growing up?
14. Describe 5 and weaknesses strengths you have.
15. Describe when you knew your spouse was the one or how I fell in love.
16. What are your 5 greatest accomplishments?
17. What is the thing you most wish you were great at?
18. What do you think your spouse loves most about you?
19. How did you feel the moment you became a parent?
20. Describe 3 significant memories from your childhood.
21. Describe your relationship with your parents.
22. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 10 years? 15 years?
23. What’s your favorite holiday and why?
24. What’s your favorite and least favorite thing about parenthood?
25. If you could have dinner with anyone in history, who would it be and what would you eat?
26. What popular notion do you think the world has most wrong?
27. What is your favorite part of your body and why?
28. What’s your favorite quality in your spouse?
29. What are your hopes and dreams for your prosperity?
30. List 10 things you would hope to be remembered for.

Keep checking back to see what new topic I have checked off this list!

April 5, 2013

Family Update

   1. The kitchen is in our living room and Miles loves it. He plays with it almost everyday and brings me a chef hat when he wants me to play too.

   2. Carl got a couple awards for being great in medical school and we have two dinners to go to. We went to one on Monday and Miles did great! We were there from 5 until 8! He never broke down or had a tantrum.. it was so wonderful. I am hoping for another great dinner tonight!
   3. Miles now says burr when it is cold. It is the cutest thing!
   4. Miles is afraid of grass. I think this is because we don't have any grass in our yard and he hasn't seen any since last summer. We went to the park and blew bubbles and he had to hold Carl's hand the whole time because he was afraid of the grass touching him. It was both funny and sad. Carl remarked that he can't be fearless, he isn't afraid of bugs or spiders so it makes sense he is afraid of grass.
   5. I am doing a 5k color run in two weeks. I think I will be walking most of it since I am doing it with my best friend and her daughter.
   6. I am reading a new book by blogger Glennon... she does the blog momastery and the book is so great. I think after I am done I am going to spread the love and share the book with my friend... I think this is the kind of book that should be shared because the kind of understanding and hope within the book is something everyone can use. I love her blog and I love her book. Her story is amazing and she gives me courage as a mom.
   7. Carl is on his last rotation before graduation. Two weeks of dermatology left before graduation at the beginning of May.
   8. Miles has started signing please and thank you. I am super encouraging this. It is so cute! He says please like you sign bath and he says thank you like blowing a kiss. It is so sweet. He is so smart. I only showed it to him once  and he got it and keeps doing it! I am hoping it sticks!
   9.Carl made Miles a kitchen tower so he can see what we are doing while we cook. I showed Carl the one I wanted at a almost $200 price tag and he took it upon his self to make one for under $50... Miles loves it. It folds up and fits next to our fridge so it doesn't take up a ton of room in our very tiny kitchen. Here is Miles climbing in it

   10. Our zoo pass is almost expired... we have the rest of the month left so I think every weekend will be filled with zoo and aquarium time! We have been so spoiled with having the pass... we have gone at least 50 times and Miles asks to go all the time. He loves to run around and see all the animals. The zebra and gorillas are his favorite. He asks for the gorillas almost everyday now. It is so cool... it makes me wonder if Miles is going to be some kind of zoologist or vet. 


    Oh my goodness.... looking back, this has been such a crazy year. I started looking back on the posts I've made and I realize that I have been so blessed.

     Looking at this post where we talk about a spot on Miles' heart and about our experience with it, I see that I am lucky my baby is who he is. Miles is the most rambunctious almost two year old. Almost 2 years ago I was so worried my baby was sick and wasn't the perfect little guy I dreamed of. Thankfully Miles is just fine. He runs everywhere, climbs on everything he can, dances to whatever songs he hears, loves water and bath time, and is the biggest momma's boy.

    He really is the perfect baby and even if the spot that came up on the ultrasound turned out to be something, I know he would still be perfect and would still be my little boy. I thank God everyday for such a great little guy. We are blessed to have Miles and I know that whatever children we have after him we will love just as much.

 Anyway, I love my little Miles and am so glad that he is ours.