Logan turns 1 whole month

Happy one month birthday baby boy! 

Logan, 

  I started these letters with your older brother and loved going back and reading all the changes he made each month so I'm going to continue making these for you. You are a great baby. You remind me so much of your brother but you are also so different. Each day brings new things- new looks, new movements, new schedules, and a new love for you. You still sleep quite a lot, but have the most alert eyes when you are awake. 

    You are an awesome eater. At your 3 week doctor appointment, you had already gained 3 lbs. In fact, you weighed more at your 3 week appt. than your big brother did at 1 month. This makes me wonder how big you are going to be as a grown up. Speaking of size, we have gotten into the habit of calling you tiny. Mostly because you are so tiny compared to Miles. I laugh and joke about you growing up with this nickname and becoming taller than mom and dad. 

     My favorite part of you being so little is the sweet faces you make in the sleep. I love to see all the "practice" faces you make. I can't wait to see you smile and laugh with me. Your little face is just so sweet. 

     I still can't decide who you actually look like. You definitely look like Miles did as a baby, but you still look so new it is hard to tell if you will have more dad in you than Miles. All I know is you are so handsome and are growing into yourself each day. 

     This month seems to have flown by. The last month of pregnancy seemed to take forever, but this month hasn't been long enough. I can't believe how big you already are. Each day it seems like you are bigger and bigger and it won't be long before you aren't my little newborn anymore. 

     I hope that as you grow you know how much you are loved. Mommy, Daddy, and Miles all love you more than you will know (at least until you have your own kids). I hope you grow up to be a relaxed kid and help to balance our family. I hope you grow up and are happy. Happy with life, happy with the choices you make, and happy with who you are. 

     Thank you for choosing me to be your mom. I feel so blessed to have two little boys who love me. Thank you for coming to our family and making it feel complete. I can't wait to see how our family grows and changes with you here. Please don't feel rushed to grow. I love how little tiny you are and am in no hurry to have you grow up. I love you Logan. So. Much. 

Xoxoxoxo, 

   Your momma 

family update

1. Miles has started saying my by self (by myself) for everything. He is becoming so independent. 

2. Logan is already growing so much. I can't really tell until input him in his carseat and I can see he is taller. 

3. Carl is almost done with his first year and gets some much needed paternity leave. 

4. I am finally getting the hang of being a mom of two. It's a good thing newborns are easy. 

5. Logan has started finding his own schedule. He wakes up around 7 to eat, goes back to sleep, has an awake time around 8 for about 2 hours, sleeps and eats every 2 hours, has another short awake time in the afternoon, and then has his last awake 2 hour time around 6. He sleeps good until midnight, eats every 1 1/2 hours until 4, and then sleeps until 7. It is working for us. 

6. Miles loves Logan so much. He is so sweet and gentle and loving. I didn't expect so much sweetness to come from him this early. 

7. Miles may be sweet to brother, but he is naughty in other ways. He has started back talking so much. Whenever I ask him to do something his answer is no. About half the time he does it anyway, but he still has to meanly say no. 

8. Miles has mega anxiety about me leaving since I spent the night at the hospital away from him. He knew it was coming and did so well without me here, but now is nervous about me leaving again. 

9. Logan never really cries... Unless you are making him nakie or he is sooo tired he can't fall asleep on his own. 

10. Because Carl is on inpatient, he isn't often home before 7. This leaves a quick hour of together time before bed. Poor Carl and kiddos. I know I can't wait for him to have two weeks off to spend with us. 

Almost 2 weeks

Have I really been a mom of two boys for almost 2 weeks now? It seems like time is traveling so fast. The hours between 3 and when daddy gets home drag on and on, but the rest of the day seems to go fast. 

Was I really in labor two weeks ago? Really feeling helpless and crampy and wondering if I would EVER get to meet Logan? How is it possible to feel like he has been here forever but also feel like he is so little and how can he already be 13 days old. I'm holding him on my chest while he sleeps and Miles sleeps next to us and I feel so complete. 

Yes, there are times that are hard (last night with barely any sleep was one of them) but I feel like our little family is so perfect. I'm worried that already it's going  by too fast. I'm going to look back and think, wow he was only little for a blink and I didn't appreciate it enough. I'm trying to not waste his days as a little baby. Have I really already done this? How is it that Miles was like Logan and is now so big? It is so weird to be reminded of that each time I look at my boys. 

Sorry for all of the ramblings, but I guess I just need to get the feelings down so I don't forget this wonderful and special time in our family. 

Happiness

This is my happy place 

Can't believe Logan is already 10 days old. I love my two little guys. Being the only girl in a home full of boys has is perks- lots of love. 

Miles meets Logan

The mornin after delivery, Carl brought Miles to the hospital to meet Logan. He was so excited. Logan was out getting some testing done, so Miles got to come in, sit with me, and chat about the day before. We got to have about 20 minutes of Miles and mommy time before he met his brother. When the doctors came back with Logan, Miles was so sweet. He came and sat with me and laid his head down to Logan and kept saying, "hi Logan. Hi. Love you."

He wanted to hold Logan so we held him together. 

It was so fun to see Miles meet his new brother. He was so gentle and loving and just kept looki at him and talking to him. He asked about my belly a few times but seemed to understand that my belly is "little tiny" now because Logan came out. 

Miles and Carl stayed until they discharged me and Miles even helped daddy carry his baby out of the hospital. 

Even now, Logan has been home for 5 days and Miles is the best big brother. He tells me each time Logan makes any tiny sound, loves to hold him ("hold my Logan monny"), and calls Logan his baby. He sings sweet songs to Logan and if Logan is crying Miles tells him," it's ok Logan. No cry." Seems I am seeing a tender side of Miles that I haven't seen before. I have a feeling Miles and Logan are going to be best friends. 

Kisses

Holding Logan when we got home

Logan finally arrives

I started feeling Braxton hick contractions weeks ago. A few times a day my belly would tighten and then stop. I decided to get my membrans stripped on Tuesday in hopes of having Logan early. The early contractions were quite annoying! 

Friday night I started feeling the belly tighten and cramping. I remembered that feeling! These contractions weren't just Braxton hicks but were the kind of contractions that did something. They hurt like cramps and came quick. Carl and I stayed up until midnight with the contractions coming every 5-7 min. Carl texted our doctor and we put some family on alert because last time, this stage of labor only lasted a few hours. We decided to try to sleep and see if my body would do anything with the contractions. They didn't. 

(My final belly pic taken on Friday) 

I woke up Saturday morning with the same kind of contractions going strong every few minutes. We called Carl's stepmom (who was sweet enough to volunteer to watch Miles when the time came). She came over and we all hung it until Carl came home. My mom decided to drive up "just in case" and my sister Bailey came and spent the day with me. Seems like everything was in a perfect place for Logan. I labored with cramping contractions all day and made cookies to help take my mind off of everything. I kept asking my belly, Logan don't you want to come out and meet everyone? We all want to meet you! Come soon. 

 (A screen shot of my contractions app) 

I went to bed around midnight again, hoping to have this turn into active labor. I woke around 4 and sure enough, the contractions had started to really hurt. They were the kind where I had to stop and breath through the pain. This was it! I woke Carl and told him this was it and we had to go. My sister went in and stayed with Miles while my parents slept and we went to the hospital. 

I am so glad the hospital is only a short 5 min drive for us because I was already ready for an epidural. Oh how you forget, and then quickly remember, the horrible pain of labor. It is something that fades with time, but the second you feel it again you remember exactly how bad it can get. We went inside (after multiple stops for contractions) and quickly got put in a room. Turns out we were the only ones in labor. Our nurses were so nice and found I was at a 5. They called Dr. Moss and then they told me I couldn't have an epidural until he got there, I got my blood drawn, labs checked, and then had the anaesthesiologist come. That was not the answer I was looking for. 

 (The ONLY pic of me in active labor pain) 

Thankfully Dr. Moss didn't take too long and everything for my epidural got lined up fairly quickly. 2 hours later I had an epidural and was already at a 7. Things were moving right along! Right after I got my epidural Carl called my sister and we checked in on Miles. My mom and Rodney were awake and Miles was up playing with his toys. My sister decided to join us again for this birth, so she left our house and came right over to the hospital. 

 (Me after the epidural... Feeling good!)

All of a sudden, I felt like I must have been cold everywhere and started shaking all over. Between transitioning and adrenaline, my body was on overload. I couldn't get my body to quit shanking. I wasn't in any pain, just shaking. At this point, Bailey joked that it all seemed so surreal. I was having a baby but wasn't really laboring and in pain. Dr. Moss came in periodically to check on us, but for the most part Bailey, Carl, and I just chatted about how excited we were to be able to finally meet Logan. 

A few hours went by quickly and soon I felt lots of pressure and was a 10.  Time to push! I pushed 3 times and they broke down the bed, Carl gowned up, and I knew we were so close. 

I pushed 3-4 more times and out came Logan. It was so cool to have Carl be the first one to hold our baby. Logan went right on my chest and I got to look at his sweet face while he got rubbed down. We decided to wait for cord clamping so Logan just laid on my chest and once I covered his face he opened his eyes. 

The rest of the delivery time went great. I got to hold my newest baby and got to bond with him right away. I had forgotten the amount of love that surges right after delivery. Little Logan was born on 5/25 at 10:24 am. He weighed 8 lbs 5 oz and was 20" long. I couldn't believe he was bigger than Miles. He looked so tiny! 

The first night went ok. I had the rush of delivery so I wasn't even tired until around midnight. My parents stayed with Miles and Carl stayed with me. Logan only woke up twice but I still only got around 3 hours of sleep. We had lots of visitors come and meet Logan... Family, friends, other interns... It was great. Logan got lots of love from lots of love. Carl even brought Miles to meet Logan (details on the next post). 

We didn't stay in the hospital long and were discharged by 11. Little Logan passed all his first tests and we were ready to head home. 

 His going home outfit 

So awake! 

Miles helping daddy 

Finally home and hanging out 

All-in-all I am so happy with the way this delivery went. I really liked my doctor and having Carl baby catch was awesome. My favorite part was the epidural and holding my sweet baby for the first while of his life. It was a special delivery and I am so glad my little Logan Walter is finally here.