April 6, 2013

Day two - fears

Day two: Describe 3 legitimate fears you have and explain how they became fears.

I guess fear is a funny thing. It changes as you get older and realize that there are bigger and scarier things than just what's under the bed. I wonder if fear stems from the unknown. I guess I have often feared the unknown. It really is the root to my fears.

#1- My biggest and most interfering on the day to day stuff is my fear of the unknown. When I was baptized as a born-again Christian I was so scared. I had never seen it and had never done it, so when we were counseled about it I had the pastor go through every step. I literally had him walk me in the chapel and show me each step so I wouldn't be as nervous and so I could stop the fear I had. Before I had Miles I talked to tons of people who gave birth and I read tons and tons of books and websites. It made me feel more comfortable with the idea of labor, even though when I look back I realize that nothing could have prepared me for birth :)

#2- I fear Carl leaving me. I guess I fear this most because if it ever happened it would tear apart our family. It would destroy me and change everything. How would I support myself? How could I raise Miles without him by my side? It just makes things so much harder that I fear what life would be without the structure,support, and love that Carl gives to our family.

#3- I fear looking back and wishing I could have been more. I worry I am not enough for the people around me and for myself. I think the stems from the way I grew up. My parents divorced and I think that part of my childhood influenced me before I even understood. I think I wondered if I was enough then and I still wonder that now..... I wonder if I am enough for myself and for others around me.

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